Parenting teens is hard. Parenting teens with mental health struggles can be even harder. First of all, if you’re investing in mental health therapy for your teen, thank you. Their mental health matters.
You play an important role in your teen’s development and healing. Here are some things to do and not to do when supporting your teen during their counseling journey:
What to do:
- RESPECT THEIR RIGHT TO CONFIDENTIALITY. Every counseling client is given confidentiality, no matter their age. Your counselor should explain the exceptions to the rule (if they tell us they want to hurt themselves, if they tell us someone is hurting them, or if they want to hurt someone else). They won’t always want to tell you everything about their journey in therapy, and that is okay. That is developmentally normal. We are providing them with a safe outlet to share things with someone who does not have an emotional stake in the ground.
- CHECK YOUR EMOTIONS AT THE DOOR. You might be feeling all kinds of feelings about the fact that your teen needs to go to therapy, or you have had it up to here, so you’ve made them an appointment. You might be experiencing a lot of anger, but deep down, there’s fear or worry. However, if your teen is only seeing your anger, this can lead to them feeling ashamed, and there is no shame in asking for help.
- BE PROUD OF YOUR TEEN FOR THEIR HONESTY. If you are in the first intake session with them, the counselor will have many questions. You might learn something new about them. Put yourself in their shoes…not to justify their behavior, but to understand where they are coming from. You were a teen once, too.
- BE BOLD ENOUGH TO SEEK OUT YOUR OWN COUSELOR WHEN YOU NEED IT. It does not mean you are a bad parent or that you have failed. It just means your teen is human…and you are too. All humans need help sometimes. It is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness, to seek self-help and improvement.
What NOT to do:
- DO NOT EXPECT YOUR TEEN’S COUNSELOR TO ACT AS ANOTHER DISCIPLINARIAN IN THEIR LIFE. Your teen’s counselor is there to listen to them, help them understand their feelings, and teach them coping skills. They are not there to reprimand, judge, or even to take your side.
- DO NOT EXPECT RESULTS OVERNIGHT. You just brought them to a complete stranger. Trust will need to be built. It might take several sessions or months of consistent therapy before they feel comfortable opening up.
- DO NOT EXPECT THE FIRST COUNSELOR YOUR TEEN MEETS TO BE A PERFECT FIT. Counseling is a unique experience in which your teen is the product you are paying for. You are not buying them a car, new clothes, or taking them on a trip. You are paying for them to learn how to process hard things. Let your teen have input. They won’t just open up to anyone.
- DO NOT EXPECT TO PLAY A PASSIVE ROLE IN YOUR TEEN’S THERAPY. Your teen’s counselor might give you, or the whole family homework. There is only so much a counselor can do in session. The real work happens at home or school.
– Claire Peeck, P-LPC
