Sometimes when working with parents, I over-simplify the idea of parenting children by dividing children into two groups: people-pleasing kids and other kids. We live in a scheduled, busy society where children are generally taught to adhere to norms and cooperate. Therefore, approximately 70% of children handle daily tasks appropriately and respectfully. Essentially, while parenting style and involvement certainly matters for children, many young children thrive regardless of parenting choices. They’re just so resilient!
Everything seems to shift when children develop into teens. Suddenly, even the most mild-tempered child exhibits explosive behaviors and even blatant defiance. PARENTING TEENS differs significantly from parenting younger children for many reasons.
Developmentally, teens desire more AUTONOMY to make their own choices about activities, friends and appearance. This goal can only be achieved by parents offering them more freedom while still setting necessary limits and providing guidance. Another crucial reason for parents of teens to offer more independence is to lead them in developing LIFE SKILLS.
Adolescents also experience major EMOTIONAL CHANGES. Teens experience mood swings, increased sensitivity and a struggle with identity development. It’s a parents’ role to show more empathy and understanding when dealing with their teen’s emotions.
Another major goal of adolescent development is building strong PEER RELATIONSHIPS. Parents should be aware of their teen’s social circles and encourage healthy friendships.
There’s also a major COMMUNICATION SHIFT at this point in the relationship. As teens are on the cusp of adulthood, they desire and deserve a respectful, egalitarian dialogue with their parents with the freedom to ask questions and express opinions.
Ultimately, TRUST is the crucial factor in parenting teens. With a foundation of trust, teens are more likely to be honest and open about their lives, allowing their parents to stay informed and provide support when needed. Feeling trusted by parents increases a teen’s confidence and sense of self-worth, enabling them to take on new challenges and make healthy choices. Because teens are more likely to come to their parents with problems or concerns, parents have the opportunity for early intervention if needed. Trust also lays a foundation for parents building a healthy relationship with their adult children.
Building trust takes time, and, for many, it might even seem hopeless. Be encouraged that you’re not alone on this teen parenting journey. It’s a tall order to rear a healthy, happy, successful adult. Mental Health professionals are here to help you on your journey.
-Ashlie S. West, LPC-S, RPT-S, TFCBT
